Is your love selfish or selfless? Find Out with this TEST!

Love is an expression we often take for granted. We tend to love certain people, things and places more than others. But our understanding of what defines 'love' for something is still ambiguous. The very nature of love itself is confusing, let alone our love towards someone. This article is dedicated to people who are confused about whether this whole idea of true love being real, honest and genuine or just a superficial fallacy. So what are we waiting for? Let's find out!

Red flowers making a heart shape. Lifenatphil

Self-Love Versus Selfless Love

I don't know how many of you have really taken some time from your busy lives to ponder over the true meaning of love. Can love be defined in the first place? Do you believe in the concept of true love? Can love be selfless as ideally thought to be? If yes, doesn't it contradict the idea of self-love? Selfless love and self-love- do they go hand in hand? This article captures my perception of love. Grab a cup of coffee, and slowly sip in my notion of love as you read along. Contemplate it, and let me know if you agree with me in the comment box.

Are You In Love?

Love heart shared between two hands. Are you in Love?

Remember the last time you lost yourself in the intense gushing desire for someone? I am not limiting it to romantic love alone when I articulate love. Instead, I am referring to the broad spectrum of positive emotions we feel. Ask yourself what made you fall in love with that particular human. Though reasons might vary from person to person, one thing is sure. Irrespective of the person's quality you may find attractive, you have earned a positive gain for yourself. This gain can be emotional, physical, mental or even psychological. Think about it. Don't you long to be with people who make you happy? And when you say you love them and would like to spend more time together, aren't you prioritising your self-happiness over them?

Psychological egoism, a theory about the nature of human emotions, aligns with my notion of love. It states that all human behaviours are motivated by self-interest and are universal. Despite all its criticism, the theory of psychological egoism stays strong even today. Even those actions that seem least selfish or altruistic have some sort of positive outcome for the doer. For instance, a person who donates money to the poor could be driven by the happiness of accomplishing significant or the guilt-free feeling of not helping the poor. Psychological egoists can explain all human endeavours as profit-driven. Science confirms that our body releases hormones like dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin, commonly nicknamed feel-good hormones, spike every time we experience ecstasy or are positively pleasurable. Hence it's pretty clear how the very body of a human being is built to contradict the notion of selfless love!

But Wait!

Image of a cute puppy looking at the heart-shaped sugar lollipop offered to him

Just because love can never be completely devoid of any sort of personal gain, it doesn't mean that love is just a fallacy. Love exists! Yes, the texture of genuine emotions does exist in reality, though it's slightly different from the commonly widespread notion of love as selfless. Rather than being a purely selfless emotion, love is driven by the mechanism of mutual benefit upon which the world progresses.

Yet it's the most pristine of all feelings one can ever feel. If we let go of the burden of toxic selflessness from the idea of true love, we will discover another aspect of love that is healthy, beautiful and uncomplicated. Therefore love is not selfish. It's not selfless either; it's something that lies in between in such a way that love goes hand in hand with self-love.

Image of a heart formed by multiple hands.

Love is the fresh stream of water between the steep mountains of selfishness and the mirage of selflessness. So, in a world filled with fantastic creatures and wonderful human beings striving to climb the mountains to touch the sky or run after the mirage, take yourself to the fresh stream of love because, after all, what is life without love? 


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~ Priyanka Joy


Post a Comment


  1. Very good read

  2. Karuna Kriti Sinha9 September 2022 at 03:51

    Discovered something which we can't differentiate as we are more prone over selfless or selfish love


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