Being over-kind leads to Self-destruction | Know Your Limits Episode - 4

 Hi busy people, I am back with another interesting lesson of life, that everyone of  you must know! This episode does not revolve around the title, "Being over-kind leads to Self-destruction" as said. But is something a lot more than all that. Did you read my earlier episodes on the Art of Saying NO! and the other two Episodes? Not yet? Then I strongly recommend you to read them here:

Episode 1 - Know Your Limits -  Life

Episode 2 - Perspectives, experiences & LIMITS

Episode 3 - Art of Saying NO!

Extremism leads to Destruction

In this episode, I am going to talk about a very deep personal experience of mine and some of the people I know who were too kind at first but have become very unkind in the end. But is that the right path to choose? Is there a divine path in between, which is not an extreme path?  

Here, I remember the time period of around 600 BCE (Before Current Era), a time period of the birth of two groundbreaking religions, the Jainism and Buddhism along with around 64 more religious sects! But what happened? what was the need for the rise of something called religion? We will discuss in detail in other specific and relevant article. But if you wanna know which is the best religion in the world, do read our article -  "You will be amazed to know what is the Best Religion in the World"

 

 But why did I speak about both those centuries old religions (actually groups which became religions later on) in this article about Over-kindness? So, the crux of the discussion is, Jainism was following the extreme path of salvation incorporating few practices such as sallekhana while Buddhism on the other hand was following the 'Madhyamika marga' or the middle path (The path in between having ultimate luxuries or complete sacrifice).

So, in today's world, Buddhism still exists and thrives on a large scale whereas Jainism exists but is limited to very few parts of the world. So, what did you observe here? Extremism does not let you grow. You should always find the balanced path where you will be able to find the perfect mix and match of everything that helps you move ahead.

My Experiments with everything 'OVER'

 There was a time where life was full of joy and happiness. With age, everything changes. The sooner you realize, the better it is. The more late you do, the more hurt you get. But how do you identify it? And even if you did, how do you control it?

Starting with my experiences. I have always been a kind person throughout my life. I have always thought only about how can I help someone from what I have. So, in the process of helping, when you try to reach out to people and try to do good to them, they do not understand. 

 

People basically think that you are into them and you are helping them only because they feel you are having some vested interest in helping them. But that is not actually true. You are genuinely helping them because you want to help them and you very well know it deep down.

But it is so sad that people really feel that you are helping them because of your personal interest, which is absolutely wrong but it's very hard that people do not understand this because the entire world in the current day has become Commercial and selfish.

So now, how do you make people understand that you are not helping them because you get something in return but because you get satisfaction and you really love to help them. How do you make people understand that?

This is the primary question that got into my mind when I face a situation like where I was trying to help a person and that person thought I was reaching out to them as I will get something by helping them. 

 And no, it was not monetary at all. I have come across the opportunity and that opportunity is beneficial to a specific person so I told them about it and I requested them that they have to take this opportunity for sure. When it comes to financial things it is completely different that's alright but my situation was altogether a different thing.

So I was insisting that they have to take the opportunity for sure as that helps them. They miss it instead for only one reason. And the reason is, the question, ‘what is in it for you?’. I was so shattered because I was there trying to help that person and that person on the other hand is thinking that I have some interest in helping them, which gives me some benefit. but that's not actually true. I wasn't getting anything, literally nothing out of it. 

Now how do I make that person understand that I am not trying to get something out of helping them but it is only because I really love to help them. How do I make them understand that I genuinely care for them. So this is the problem I was facing. So, then I started to analyse and research online and found out, what I was doing was over caring! And it is NOT A GOOD THING TO DO!

If you are caring for them more than what you should, that is basically over caring or being over kind you will suffer at the end. Earlier you realise the better it is. Now why did I title this, ‘extremism leads to self-destruction’? 

Basically there is a saying in the Bhagavad Gita अति सर्वत्र वर्जयेत् (pronounced as ‘athi sarvatra varjayet’). so this means anything ‘over’ is always not good. Let's say you have taken a medicine that will save your life. No doubt at all that it saves your life. But if you consume that same medicine in larger quantities it destroys your health. Venom of the snake is used in manufacturing some medicines that are used to treat some diseases but if you take the same venom in extra quantity it will poison you..

Self Realization through experience...

Recently a small incident happened in my life and that combined with all other such occurrences throughout the life have given me great lessons.

Let me narrate that incident to you. I was very kind to a person and have done a lot because they were in need. One of my dear friend Sany, with whom I used to converse regularly. She used to often text me. Suddenly once she was really in need of money to buy a mobile phone for her sibling’s education purpose. Of course I did not have that much money. But I took all the efforts to help her. I had a mobile which was in very good condition but I was not using it. I packed and couriered the phone to her. After I sent it, she stopped talking to me as she used to earlier. I used to receive at least once a week text from her but now it's been more than 3 to 4 months and I find no single text from her. This drastic change hurts me because I have been too kind and people have exploited me. Also, that person has to pay me a balance pending amount for some other purpose for which I have worked for her.

This is not over yet. I will soon continue the story in the next episode. 

I suppose this is the most boring episode in the series. Do not worry dear readers, I will make things interesting in the next episode by bringing to you the most needed content demanded by many. Feel free to comment below.

To read the previous episodes 

Click below 

Episode 1 - Know Your Limits -  Life

Episode 2 - Perspectives, experiences & LIMITS

Episode 3 - Art of Saying NO!